Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Scarlett Johanson is a whore

This just in: According to recent reports, not only does Scarlett Johanson like having dirty sex in public elevators with scuzzy older men, she also seems to enjoy multiple partners.

Scarlett Johansson says she doesn’t believe in monogamy — that people weren’t meant to be with just one person.
“I don’t think human beings are monogamous creatures by nature,” she told reporters

Well folks, it looks like my proposed Jessica Alba/Scarlett Johanson/Jessica Biel marriage trifecta is one step closer to reality.

Now please excuse me, I have to give my parents the good news.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Charisma Carpenter - God damn!

You may not know her, but she played "Cordelia" on the amazing WB shows "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel", and she most recently became a regular cast member of "Veronica Mars". Her main role on the show seems consist of wearing not much of anything and seducing people. Sure, you don't get to see her naked (like I do during our regular Friday night hot tub sessions) but she wears a bikini most of the time and I think you'll agree that's pretty fricken cool!

Friday, December 09, 2005

A welcome addition

After watching "Alias" last night, I have decided to officially add Rachel Nichols to my "to do" list! Congratulations Rachel! I'll be calling you shortly!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Question of the day: Why does Jessica Alba wear clothes?

I mean c'mon... look at her:

She clearly needs to be naked all the time. She gets closer here:

But its still not good enough. Sure, when she's over at my place I can't PAY her to put some damn clothes on, but as soon as a camera is on her she starts dressing like a flipping nun! And so Jessica, I implore you, let everyone else enjoy what I've been enjoying for ages and lose the damn clothes!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Breaking News: At least 100 Canadians have more money than Shania Twain

Canadian Business Magazine has just compiled it's annual list of the 100 richest Canucks, and once again, Shania Twain has failed to make the list. Well, don't fret Shania...

When you look like this no one cares how much money you have. Even so, this should make you feel better... I'm on the verge of publishing my list of "100 Canadians I'd most like to throw one into after a night of binge drinking", and you score very well. Very well indeed. In the mean time, I'm going to keep practicing the "binge drinking" portion while prepping myself by staring at the photos below.

Don't you worry Shania, our time come. Speaking of which, damn those pictures are hot! I'll be right back...

Monday, December 05, 2005

Why K-Fed has to go

Oh Kevin... how did you do it...? How can you take one of the sexiest women in recent memory

and turn her into this:

It's getting to the point where Brit and I hardly ever have sex anymore... and that's a problem! So do us all a favour will you and just GO AWAY so she can go back to being the sex goddess we all enjoyed!

Friday, December 02, 2005

Ashley Simpson - blech

Ashley Simpson showed up at my house tonight... again... anyway, she tried to seduce me by demonstrating her oral skills thusly...

Did it work? Well, let me put it this way... I believe right now she's outside my house crying in a snowbank, becuase I told her in no uncertain terms that I was NOT interested in her. Maybe I should have told her BEFORE the blowjob.... NAAH!!!

Oh Sabrina, what happened?

Remember a few years ago when a combination of Maxim Magazine and Photoshop made Melissa Joan Hart hot? Well, I don't think a whole room of supercomputers could help this...

What I watched on TV last night

HI! Well, last night's CSI was a rerun, so I ended up watching Survivor and The Apprentice. Do you watch those shows? Cause if you don't, you should... Because Rebecca, Danni, Stephenie, and Cindy are hot! I guess that's why I had them over last night for naked twister and group sex. (and if you think those crutches slow Rebecca down, you are wrong!) Anyway, after we were done with all the naked stuff they started asking me about the nights episodes and their various strategies, and I of course said "Why are you talking? Why are you still here? Get out!" Sheesh. Women. Anyway, after that I... wait a minute... oh for the love of... they're at the door begging to be let back in... Oh well... gotta run!

Jobs my high school guidence councellor didn't tell me about

When I went to highschool and met with the career councellor, they never mentioned the possibility of becoming a starfucker. I know they didn't, cause if they did, thats a job I would have jumped at. Cause Jessica Alba is freakin hot! Wait... is that even a job? Cause if it isn't, it should be.

I think that first post pretty much says everything you need to know about me.